There is no handbook for relationships. The road is relationships must be traveled with experience. However, we can save ourselves some grief and be on the lookout for clear signs that indicate we are in the wrong relationship.
Consulting relationship experts, we have compiled a comprehensive list of all the red flags to watch out for.
Don’t be color blind to the following red flags in a relationship!
No Respect For Time
One of the common red flags is when your partner does not respect your time, especially during planned dates. S/he will keep you waiting for hours just to show up unprepared and with lots of excuses!
Extreme Jealousy And Possessiveness
A little jealousy might be cute and heart-fluttering at the start of your relationship. However, when it becomes too extreme to the point your partner gets jealous of your friends or family, then it’s time to step back and examine if you still want to continue your relationship.
Your partner keeps on gaslighting you, and taking back his words is a major red flag.
You might want to help your partner in any way you can, but if s/he starts relying on you too much without thinking of solutions on his/her own, then s/he must be staying with you for comfort and convenience.
Physically Hurting You During Arguments
This is a major red flag. Run from your partner as early as you can!
Joe Wilson is the Senior Employment Advisor at MintResume
There are few really simple things, and we need to understand that in a relationship, it depends on many factors, like how long has the couple been together, are they living together to is it a long-distance relationship, so I will list red flags that have come up with my clients and what I tell to notice.
Turning Phone Upside Down (Cover-Up)
This is one of the most common things done, meaning your partner does not want you to see their phone. Next is- turning notifications off and avoiding the phone in general. The opposite version is that your partner is out of the blue spending too much time on the phone. Long story short, the use of the phone has changed compared to previous behavior.
Giving You Attention More Or Less Than Before
This is an unconscious thing that happens. If there are any issues in a relationship, then the partner who has an interest out of the relationship will feel guilt and start automatically giving you more attention or vice versa, stepping back and avoiding communication with you.
In online dating, it is easy to understand that something is going on, with fewer video calls, and in general less communication. And when you ask if something is wrong or changed, they usually respond with defensive sentences or accusing you instead. The best protection is an attack.
These are the first red flags, and from there on, you can start observing your partner and eventually have a conversation about you two and your future.
Katie Lasson, Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Advisor (M.Sc.) Birkbeck University Peaches and Screams
In my experience, there are three red flags that pop up the most in soon-to-be abusive relation-to-be. These traits usually start out pretty innocent, and they are many times justified with an assumption that they are acting this way because they love you. The three red flags are jealousy, controlling, and impatience;
Jealousy can go two different ways; let me explain. The first way is to show signs of jealousy, meaning they get upset if you are hanging out with anyone except for them. They will whine, complain and call your phone several times while you are out. They justify this by saying they miss you and love you so much; they just want to spend time with you.
The second way jealousy can be used is- they go out of their way to flirt or show attention to someone who they know would create jealous feelings in you. They will justify this by saying you are overreacting, you are acting jealous, or you are insecure.
The next red flag I want to talk about is their controlling behavior. It will start out small, for instance, telling you where to park, or what to wear, how to clean. This is usually justified by saying that they are just trying to help you because they love you. It will then start to get more aggressive where they are monitoring who you are talking to, where you are going, and asking for proof.
The third sign is impatience; this will come across as a way of making you feel inferior. You are not fast enough to get it done on time, smart enough to figure it out, or clean enough. They will showcase this by coming behind you to redo things, rolling their eyes, or sighing in frustration.
Sabrina Victoria is the Creator and CEO of “Human Better 365” and “Her Version Podcast” . Sabrina is a Speaker, entrepreneur and author of “Envision Your Best Life 90-Day Planner” & creator of “Catapult Your Life in 365 Days”.
Relationships do have good and bad days but not the worst ones. We sign for love and not fears in a relationship. If you see red flags in a relationship, it is your time to get vigilant.
They say excess of everything is bad. Care is ok until it crosses the fine boundary line of overcare. Too much care or obsessive love turns the protection into possession. Beware if your partner traces your contact and watches your move.
Do they hold you accountable for something you did not say or do? It is manipulation and results in self-doubt. Gaslighting is critical. Your partner twists and turns the facts to make you question your thoughts and memory.
It is necessary to know that abuse is not just physical. Do know when you are emotionally and psychologically abused as well. Unequal input of feelings and care, disrespecting partners’ opinions, or negating their perspective rudely define the aforementioned kinds of abuses.
Spending quality time together is the powerhouse of a relationship. If you have to beg your partner for a date night, or they make you stand or wait. It is a red flag that you should notice immediately. Are you someone who always initiates contact, be it physical or digital? If yes, your relationship norms need to be redefined.
Are you afraid of them getting angry over petty matters? Aggression and temper issues become toxic if not dealt with on time. A few stay suppressed from their partner for the sake of the relationship and love. All you need to know is that nothing comes before your self-esteem and emotional wellness.
Love and relationship symbolize flowers and stars; walk away if your path gets thorns.
Amelia Alvin is a practicing psychiatrist at Mango Clinic- Health & Wellness Clinic.
At the beginning of the relationship, you are likely to be enamored with a new partner. Everything is exciting, fresh, and new. It is easy to dismiss or misread the other person’s behavior. If you want the relationship to progress, and you want a good relationship, it is important that you look at the situation with a critical eye.
Cutting Out Family And Friends
Don’t dismiss controlling behavior as signs that they are into you. It is normal to want to get very involved in each other’s lives. But if you find that you or your partner are cutting out others who were in your life before the relationship began, at least question whether giving up those friendships forever is a good idea.
Changing Your Goals
Of course, you want to create a new path with a new love. However, you shouldn’t have to compromise too much of yourself to make the relationship work. If you start radically changing what you want in life, you may regret it later when you have given up on things you really wanted.
Letting Your Boundaries Slide
There should be some things that you would never tolerate. Those boundaries are to keep you safe in the world. If you start making exceptions, you are probably on a path towards trouble.
Common boundaries that you should not compromise on are violence, verbal abuse, and substance abuse. However, you can set those boundaries wherever you need them to create safety in your world. If you are compromising on them, you might find yourself in a relationship that doesn’t meet your basic needs.
Changing Who You Are
In great relationships, each partner accepts and loves the other person for who they are. That is one of the great things about love–feeling seen, heard, and understood by your partner. Of course, there may be small changes that you might make to accommodate living well with your partner.
However, if you find that your partner is slowly trying to change who you are at your core, that will make you feel resentful and unloved. Look for signs that they need you to be someone other than who you really are.
In a great relationship, you bring out the best in one another, and there is room to grow. If your relationship doesn’t have room for either of these, it is time to really think about what you want out of life and if you can get it with your current partner. This is easier to do at the beginning of the relationship, but you need to be willing to ask hard questions later if you find that you are off track.
Cheri Timko is a Couples Relationship Coach, Synergy Coaching.